


Dead Girl Walking

by Alicartin



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Still haven't decided if this should remain a oneshot or if I should make it multichapter oh well, Tags May Change, if I do make it multichapter then
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 09:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20757947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alicartin/pseuds/Alicartin
Summary: No matter how much she wishes to forget what she has done, she found herself not regretting it for a second.She didn’t feel guilty. The man on the TV could have very much hurt those children and teachers, and did everyone really have to wait for those innocent people to die before he was rightfully brought to justice?What Sayu did was a noble, heroic deed. She stopped a possible tragedy.She was the good guy here.She could actually do it. She could help to make this world a better place. She could be this world’s reformer, create a place where people won’t be scared to walk at night, free of corruption and all evil.Sure she wasn't as smart or capable as her family, but now only she had the power to make a difference.She smiled at herself. She could be someone, a hero the world needed for so long.  No longer just Light’s sister or Soichiro’s daughter, but Sayu Yagami.---An AU where Sayu picked up the Death Note instead of Light.





	Dead Girl Walking

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so, I kinda had this idea for awhile, for a year or so.  
And while I do have the basic outline for the whole story, there's a chance that this might just remain a oneshot AU. Mostly because I have far too many ideas for fics that I'm far more interested in working on and far too little time.  
So I just wanted to get this idea out there!  
I tried my best *not* to make this fic into recap of the show just with Sayu instead of Light. I wanted it to be it's own thing for the most part, even if similar events occur.  
Constructive criticism is always welcome! I'm still very knew to writing so any advice helps!
> 
> Also yes, the title is a Heathers reference, fight me!
> 
> Additional TW: There's a scene where Sayu's mother thinks Sayu is possibly suicidal (because of her recent behavior). It's not a big plot point, and it's not true, but I just wanted to put a warning in case anyone is sensitive to that kind of stuff.

** **

**December 5th 2003 **

Sayu hated this. She hated these comfortable chairs, this cozy room, this calm atmosphere and most of all, this respectful, kind man sitting across from her at the other side of the table. Her therapist. Of course, one outside of her situation might think that there’s nothing wrong with this scenario, but the truth is Sayu was completely on edge.

It has barely been a week since it all happened. Since the “incident” one might say.

The girl had always had a very close relationship with her mother. Of course, Sayu had a close relationship with all members of her family, but none were quite as close as the bond she shared with her mom.  
In truth, she always felt the title of the favorite child went to her brother, even in her mother’s case, but one couldn’t deny the closeness they shared despite that fact. That of course made sense, after all, her father was often buried in his work and her brother kept to himself most of the time, quite lost in his studies too. So Sachiko and Sayu spent most of their time together, when she wasn’t hanging out with her friends. So it was only a matter of time before things became extremely clear.

Sayu had always had a very cheerful, friendly and approachable persona. She had always been an honest person, clear to those around her about her emotions and thoughts, especially to her mother, who she pretty much shared everything with. At one point she felt like she could tell her everything, but as of recent, things changed. They weren’t as simple as back then. Sayu wasn’t the same girl she once was. And her mother noticed.

Sayu’s cheerful character, has been toned down to an extent. Quiet a big extent at that. _Of course mom noticed, it was far too obvious for anyone not to notice._  
Still, the look on her mother’s face when she gave her the “explanation” is one that she will never forget. It made her question some things. Her decisions perhaps? No, that was not right, Sayu was sure her sense of judgement was correct, maybe it was her motivation that made the girl question herself.

Sayu was now trying, trying her best to recollect the explanation she gave to Sachiko, because as things stand, the story she is about to tell her therapist may or may not end everything for her.

“So when did you start having these thoughts?” the silence was finally broken by the man across from her asking her a rather common question for a therapist to ask.

\---

Sayu remembers the events that took place over these last week as clear as day. These are perhaps the most precise memories she has, but even still, the most prominent thing she remembers is how she felt.

She remembers the nausea, the cold sweat she would wake up in, the guilt and the fear. So much fear.

She felt like a dead man walking, every day. In her life, she couldn’t for the life of her remember having a panic attack before that time.

She was a mess to say the least, and so it was only a matter of time before that knock at her bedroom door came.

A few soft knocks could be heard from the other side of the locked door. Sayu flinched. The girl was not used to hearing knocking on her door, but it had become a common occurrence as of late. She would have to get used to it now that she has to constantly lock her door.

** December 4th 2003 **

“Sayu? May I come in?” her mother asked in a gentle voice.

“Yeah?” Sayu said nervously, while starting to sort her notebooks. Coming closer to open the door for her mother, she questioned “What is it mom?” her voice trying to sound cheerful, but coming out as an unsure mess.

“Sayu, we need to talk”, it was all her mother said. She had an unreadable expression on her face, yet her eyes were filled with so much emotion. Her daughter could see the worry in her eyes. That was when Sayu knew, she was in trouble.

By the time they both set on the girl’s bed, her mom awkwardly tried to start a conversation:

“You’ve been keeping to yourself lately, I wanted to hear how you were doing”, the woman said with a small smile.

“I’ve been doing good”, Sayu responded, trying to sound natural.

“Is school going well?” her mother tried again.

“School, well… You know me and school aren’t exactly a match made in heaven”, Sayu joked with a small laugh, but it sounded forced.

The older woman looked lost in thought, but more than anything concerned. Sayu was beginning to grow worried so she asked:

“Hey mom, are you ok? My joke wasn’t that bad was it?” she playfully added.

With a deep sigh, almost as if she was preparing for something, Sachiko finally stopped beating around the bush, and asked:

“Dear… What were you doing… a few days ago, on the night when it rained?” she said, her voice meek and slightly trembling. She was looking at Sayu, staring at her, almost as if she could see her thoughts.

“What night? Mom you expect too much of me if you think I can remember a night from a few days ago!” Sayu laughed, trying to brush off the conversation.

“The night when you left the house, and I found you in the rain, what were you doing?” Sachiko’s voice was gaining agency, having an authoritative tone to it.

“Oh that? I told you about that, I had a nightmare, and I slept-walked”.

“Stop lying”, Sayu was taken aback. She looked at her mother. Sachiko was on the verge of tears.

“You were talking as if you had been awake for hours, and you couldn’t have slept-walked through a closed door!” Sachiko was starting to sound angry, but not only that. There was a glaring fright in her voice as well.

“Mom-”

“You think I haven’t noticed? How you have been acting for the past week? Sayu, you never talk at family dinners, you don’t even talk to me, but rather look yourself in your room every day for hours! You are constantly looking like you don’t want to be here, like you aren’t happy. Not only that but I’ve started hearing you talking to yourself”, Sachiko had to take a pause to collect herself. “I repeat the question, just what were you doing that night?”

Sayu thought deep and hard about how she should handle her response. It was obvious that she wasn’t going to tell her mother the truth. She had to play it safe, make it seem like this her own personal business her mother had no place in.

“… I can’t tell you mom, it’s… you would be mad at me”, it wasn’t a lie. Her mother would be beyond furious if she knew what a mess Sayu had caught herself in.

But that was when Sayu saw her mother start to break down. The women started crying, covering her mouth. Sayu was shocked. Her mother wasn’t actually thinking-

“You know you can tell me. You can tell me if you’re not unhappy. Just please dear, Sayu, please, your life has so much value”, Sachiko sobbed.

Sayu was the one staring now. Wide eyed, she was looking at her trembling mother. Her mother thought… she really thought-! For a second Sayu was terrified that her secret would be revealed and that she would be a dead man, and so without thinking, she took this chance to lie.

“I-I am sorry mom”, she said, trying to make her voice sound and close to tears as possible. “It’s just been hard for me recently, I will never even consider it again. It was a mistake to ever think of doing such a thing. Trust me I would never actually do it-”

Her mother couldn’t even handle herself anymore, but just went straight and embraced her daughter in a hug as she continued to sob.

And so they sat like that for a while, as Sayu watched the creature with the joker-like grin, snicker in the background.

\----

** December 5th 2003 **

“That is the most unbelievably unbelievable story I’ve seen you tell so far, hyuk hyuk!” a large monstrous creature that has been laughing in Sayu’s face for the past twenty minutes during their ride home just spoke.  
Sayu shot him a barely noticeable death glare. Oh how the grinning Shinigami annoyed her sometimes. Sure, he was a good friend most of the time. But gosh he sure could be a real pain in the ass when he wanted to.

He was of course laughing about the story she told to her therapist. Of course she wasn’t going to tell him the real thing, after all every word she spoke could very much cost her life at some point. So the story she sold to him was a rather common one she heard in her school. Societal expectations and pressure over her grades and future. Sayu couldn’t fathom what Ryuk found so ridiculously funny. This was a common occurrence these days! Many people develop depression over stress that school causes! It was very realistic, so what was so funny? To Sayu, it seemed like her therapist bought it pretty well, he had that look on his face of “yep I’ve seen this many times”.

This situation though, from the outside, once again may bring up some questions. The main one being, just what is this ugly tall monstrous creature doing making fun of this teenage girl?  
And most importantly, where did he come from and just what is he?

Well, everything goes back to a few days ago.

\---

** November 28 th ** ** , 2003  **

It was supposed to be just a simple walk home from school. Sayu and her friends had just said their goodbyes and went their own separate ways home. The girl had a less than stellar morning that day. It was mostly due to her messing up on her test big time. It wouldn’t be an understatement to say that her parents were a bit too strict when it came to her grades. But of course it made sense, her parents wanted the best future for her, so of course they would worry about these types of things. Still, Sayu did not look forward to showing that 72% on her English test to her mother. She could already hear her lecture about how “_she wasted too much time with her friends and not enough on studying”_ and how “_she should have asked her brother for help if she had problems with the material”_.

She rolled her eyes slightly. Her parents expected too much of her sometimes. She was just an average teenage girl, unlike her brother. She let out a sigh.

She sometimes wondered what it would be like to possess the intelligence her brother had. Would her life be easier? Probably. She wouldn’t have to stress over school if that was the case. Still, she couldn’t help but think it would still be bothersome. Not being able to relate to most people, being bored by the simplicity of everything and everyone. She wondered if that was how her brother felt. She wondered about that often, because Light on the surface level he presented himself as seemed perfect. Too perfect. Still, she knew better then to invade her brother’s privacy by asking all of these questions she had in her head. She might be a loudmouth but she wasn’t invasive unless she’s joking around.

As she was pondering all of these question, she just passed by her brother’s school. The school she planned on entering next year. Oh how silly that dream sounded now with her embarrassing 72% test score. This school was notorious for its low acceptance rate, only the best of the best had a chance. She let out an even deeper sigh while staring at the school.

It was then that something caught her attention. A small black object was falling from the sky. Sayu blinked. _Could it be a bird? _She thought.  
Despite the probability of the object in question being something ordinary, Sayu still felt the need the see for herself. Her curiosity got the best of her so to say.

When she finally reached the place where the thing had fallen, she couldn’t help but ponder in confusion.

_A notebook?_

Her cluelessness was evident. _How could a notebook fall from the sky? _It was not as if any helicopters were flying over the school at the time. She picked her discovery up, only to realize the text written on the cover.

_English, will it ever leave me alone? _She thought in distaste. With her best ability, she started to translate it in her head.

_Death Note. _She read._ As in, a notebook of death?_

She was too interested in whatever this strange note was now, as so she opened it, only to be greeted with a bunch of text in English. She tried her best, but the writing was too complex and she barely managed to understand anything. Still her curiosity was still as evident as before, and so she put the notebook in her bag as she continued her way home.

Later that day, once the girl was home, she immediately started attempting to translate her strange discovery.  
It took her around an hour to get the whole thing translated, but it was evident to her very early that the text inside was apparently a list of some sort of rules. Rules how to use the notebook…

…To kill.

At first Sayu was not very convinced, and if she didn’t know better she would have thought it was all some sort of well thought out prank. Yet, then again. _It did fall from the sky._

That was when the girl was heard voices from downstairs. Her brother just came home and her mother was greeting him.  
She quickly hid the notebook among her school supplies and went downstairs.

“Hi Light!” she greeted him cheerfully. “How was your day?” she asked genuinely curious. She didn’t get to know much about her brother’s school experiences, but you bet she was always noisy about them.

“It was fine. Slightly boring, but that’s school for you”, her brother said casually, much to Sayu’s disappointment. He never told her anything interesting. “Though the strangest thing happened today”, he sounded lost in thought, and the girl’s interest peaked. To her dismay, he quickly added: “Never mind, forget it. It’s not important”.

“Aw, come on! Tell me!” Sayu insisted playfully. “What, did another girl confess her undying love for you? That doesn’t sound too unbelievable to me!” she joked.

Light still had that polite smile on her face, but Sayu quickly understood he was annoyed by her joke, so she quickly stopped laughing.

“But seriously Light, please tell me, you can’t just imply something interesting happened and not tell me!” she continued to pester. Truthfully, she knew Light kept to himself and wouldn’t tell her no matter how much she begged. Yet still she couldn’t help it. This is one of the rare moments she gets to spend with her brother, and she wasn’t simply going to let it go.

“Forget it Sayu”, he simply replied, only now noticing Sayu’s puppy-dog eyes. Sighing, he quickly added: “Maybe some other time”. They both knew it was a lie, but Sayu was satisfied enough with Light’s answer.

“Anyhow, how was your day?” Light asked. Clearly he didn’t really care, it was the sort of thing people asked out of politeness, but Light always made it sound so convincing.

“My day? Well, maybe I won’t tell you, since you’re so secretive today”, she joked, only to immediately answer his question. With slight defiance on her face, she couldn’t help but blurt out: “I got 72% on my English test” she admitted in shame.

By this point they were now already in Light’s room. His room was always so clean, but a little to plain. Unlike Sayu’s room, which was filled with posters of her favorite singers and actors, nothing about Light’s room really spoke of Light’s interests. Light was like that in a sense, he always kept that to himself. While the brother and sister talked a lot, she always felt like she never really knew her brother.

“72%? Well it could have been better, but there’s always a second time” he said while turning on his small TV.

“Easy, for you to say! You always get great grades, even when you don’t study!” Sayu stuck her tongue out.

“Well, next time if you have a problem with a subject, you could always ask me”, Sayu was about to protest with a snarky remark, but the TV caught their attention. They were now both looking at the program. There was a report about an assailant who has taken eight people hostages at a daycare center, both children and teachers.

“What human scum”, he brother murmured to himself, but Sayu heard him.

Sayu cared for justice of course, but Light always had a stronger sense of it, after all he’s planning to join the police force once he grows up. Just like their dad. Who’s usually home by now. Sayu let out a sigh. She understands that her father has a very important job. Both Sayu and Light really admired him for it. After all, it was were their sense of justice came from. Still, she wished her father was home more often. She sometimes even wished that the world’s criminals would just disappear, so people like her dad wouldn’t have to work so many sleepless nights to bring them to justice. The world was unfair like that. She’s learned that a long time ago. Despite the police’s best efforts, crime continues and most of these criminals never see justice. While normal people are too scared to even walked the streets at night.

But looking at the TV report, she was just reminded of that. _It was so unfair! _She thought. She felt terrible, knowing what could happen to those children and teachers.

“The police have now identified the suspect as 42-year-old Kuro Otoharada, currently unemployed”.

But then she got an idea. The Death Note. _No. How could I even consider such a thing? __Killing people is always wrong_. She thought a little more. _Still though, it’s not like the notebook is real anyway, nothing would happen if I write his name. _She shook her head. _No, it’s still wrong, I won’t do it. Something must be wrong with me to even consider it. Bringing this notebook home was a mistake, it’s nothing but trouble. I can’t believe it even made me think of doing something that immoral._

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of gunshots from the TV. She froze. Even Light was in shock. Sure he expected the event to occur sooner or later, but it didn’t stop it from being any less shocking.

Suddenly, knowing that somebody might have just been killed, her thoughts took a different direction. _But, what, what if the notebook is real? _Despite how silly the idea sounded, it all seemed far less crazy in her head at that moment._ In that case, I could have saved these people but I did nothing! _She took a deep breath. _No,_ _killing people is wrong always wrong._

“Sayu”, Light blurted out, not really thinking, which was rare of him, he always thought before he spoke, still that undying sense of justice the young man had was coming through his polite and neutral persona. “Do you ever wish, that the world’s criminals could just disappear?” he asked her, not really even paying attention to her answer. It was rear to see Light’s true thoughts and emotions slip out. And despite how clear it was that he was just trying to blurt out his frustrations and anger in the most unnoticeable way possible, to Sayu, his question came as a realization.

She had the power- she possibly had the power to change the world. _It’s not like the notebook could do anything anyway. _She told herself. _If I use it, nothing will happen, nothing could. But if I don’t use it, I will forever live in knowing there was a possibility of saving those people on the TV. _She didn’t want to live with that regret.

“Hey, Light, I think mom’s calling me” she said in the most natural tone she could muster and left the room, running as fast as she could once out of sight. Light was to focused on his anger over what he saw on the television to ever spare her a glance.

Opening the drawer, she took the notebook.

Her heart was pounding. Breathing heavily, she opened it, holding a pencil in her hand. _Do something you idiot! It’s not like it’s real anyway!_ She told herself. The idea of merely attempting to kill someone just didn’t sit right with her. The sound of gunshots echoed in her head.

_Someone might have just lost a life. If this thing is real and I don’t try it, I will have to live the rest of my life knowing that I could have stopped that man on the TV. There’s still no way this thing is real. But if it is, I could save those people. Why am I even so worried? Of course this isn’t real! I’ll just write down his name and when it doesn’t work, that will put an end to all of this._

Slowly but surely, she wrote down his name. If this isn’t just a big hoax, he should be dead in 40 seconds from now.

She returned to Light’s room. And there her brother stood, a befuddled expression on his face.

“The hostages are coming out, and they look to be unharmed. It seems as the bullet shots from earlier were only a scare tactic. The Special Forces are taking action: they’re moving in! We don’t know if the suspect has been arrested. Huh? Yes? Ok, we now have confirmation. The suspect has been found dead inside! I repeat the suspect is now dead!”

Sayu didn’t know how to react. The notebook… it had worked.

The next day, was probably one of the hardest mornings Sayu ever experienced. Mostly due to barely sleeping. Her mind was too occupied with the whole prospect that she murdered someone. _It might just be a coincidence. _She thought, before immediately returning to her previous hypothesis. But the comforting thought of it all being a coincidence appeared in her mind again, before the harsh reality once again set in. And so it repeated, again and again, in an endless cycle.

But no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t convince herself that it was.

Maybe someone else would have tested the notebook another time, just to check, but Sayu knew it was real, it just had to be. A notebook which has detailed instructions on how to use it to kill someone falls from a sky, and after using it in the way it’s intended to, a man dies in the way the notebook specified. There were too many factors at play here, it was real.

She missed school that day, it seemed like the girl caught a flu. Which made sense, she was sweating throughout the entire night and she barely had any sleep. It made perfect sense for her body to feel sickly.  
She spent most of that day on her computer browsing her favorite sites. She needed to clear her mind from all of this. She read articles about her favorite celebrities, what was going on in their lives, the latest gossip, the kind of stuff that interested her. After reading countless articles about Hideki Ryuga, her favorite idol, her mind was finally starting to diverge from thinking about the incident.  
It was then that she clicked on an article about some girl, who looked about Light’s age, maybe slightly older, getting back into modeling after her several month break. She saw the model a couple of times in some of her magazines. She was really pretty and had big vide eyes. Though the last time Sayu saw her, the woman wasn’t blond. _She’s probably going for new look._ Sayu thought. She carelessly clicked on it, not really thinking about the possible reasons for why this model quit for so long. That was when all blood left Sayu’s veins, as the girl actually read the headline.

The reason the woman had stopped modeling, was because her parents had been murdered a couple of months ago. Sayu clicked off the site in an instant, but there was no going back. Her mind was once again recalling the events from yesterday. Not being able to handle it anymore, Sayu finally broke down and started to cry, as quietly as she could, not to alarm anyone in the house. She didn’t want to think about this anymore, but the more she tries to run from it, the worse it gets.

_I need to confront the issue head on. I need to see how other people who’ve committed murder deal with these feelings._

It was not something she would normally do, Sayu thought to herself. But after all, nothing about this is a normal situation. Researching criminals and how they think never interested her, but right now, she had to do it.

She tried looking for unlikely murderers, people who have committed murder, but one would have never expected it. She found several people who have had a similar experience to hers. Where they have killed someone in the name of saving someone else, or in some cases themselves. And Sayu honestly, couldn’t see them as the bad guys. Yes, they committed the worst crime possible, yet still they were the heroes in Sayu’s eyes.

Then it hit her.

No matter how much she wishes to forget what she has done, she found herself not regretting it for a second.

She didn’t feel guilty because of what she’s done. The man on the TV could have very much hurt those children and teachers, and did everyone really have to wait for those innocent people to die before the man was brought to justice? What Sayu did was a noble, heroic deed. She stopped a possible tragedy.

She was the good guy here.

So many people in this world commit murder, and yet they are seen as our protectors. The army, the police, the entire justice system all kill criminals every day. And yet we celebrate them, we respect them. _They help to make this world a better place. _She thought.

She could actually do it. She could be this world’s reformer, she could make this world into a place where people won’t be scared to walk at night, free if corruption and all evil.

She smiled at herself. She could be someone, a hero the world needed for so long. No longer just Light’s sister or Soichiro’s daughter, but Sayu Yagami.

She started off by writing down the names of the world’s greatest criminals later moving to lesser ones. She debated with herself for a while if she should write names of criminals still in prison. She ultimately decided to do it, since it was unfair that they didn’t get properly punished for the same crimes she was punishing the uncaptured criminals for. First starting off with the ones who did the most outrageous crimes, then moving to lesser ones. She was clearing the world, one name at a time.

Sure, she has lost some weight and has been having continuous night terrors every night, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she was fixing the world. She knew when she started that she will have to give up her soul and mind to do this, but she will make an impact, people will start to notice that there is someone passing judgement to those who deserve it. All the people who seek justice will finally have their prayers heard.

Sayu knew that she was sacrificing her mind, heart and soul for this. She knew that she would never be the same person again. But by god, if that means that innocent lives will be saved, and that victims will finally get their justice and that her father won’t need to risk his life every day- then it would be worth it.

She soon got over her flu and returned to school. And in the few days she had been gone, it seemed like she has already left an influence. All of her classmates were discussing the latest mysterious string of events, known as the criminal murders. And they all mentioned Kira, the apparent culprit. Their thoughts varied. Most seemed opposed to the idea of someone killing criminals, but Sayu knew damn well they were all lying. It was the politically correct answer, it was what kept up their public image. Sayu knew this, because online, this Kira was thieving.

Then came that dreaded night.

Sayu was in her room. And perhaps a teenage girl sitting on her bed filled with stuff animals in a room covered with posters of idols would have been an innocent sight. That is would have been, if not for the shaking body of this girl who was holding a mere notebook in her hands. Sitting alone in the in the darkest hour of the night, she was scrolling through the pages of the Death Note, observing the names she has written down. Each page was filled with them. A shiver came over her. Guilt pierced through her for every name she has written. She didn’t feel regret though, because it was ok, she just had to focus and look at the bigger picture. With each name she wrote, she was changing to world. Making it a safer, better place for others. For herself, her friends, her family. Soon will be home more often and won’t have to risk his life and spent countless hours working. The thought comforted her. A smile appeared on her face. It was not a smirk, but a genuine smile at all the hard work she’s done.

“You’ve taken quite a liking to it”.

She froze in fear and she turned to find the source of the voice. Lightning struck as she saw the face of a hideous monster with a clown like grin. It was terrifying, and Sayu was sure she knew who this monster was. It was most likely the original owner of the Death Note. The creature that was for sure going to take her soul for the crimes she had committed.

All she remembers is that she ran, she ran and ran, as far as she could, suppressing her screams. She was now out of her house, in the dead of night. But her efforts were useless as the creature quickly was gaining speed over her.  
She turned around to see it and that was when she tripped, falling onto the concrete floor. The monster was now right in front of her. She hunched over and grabbed her head into her hands. With tears flowing from her eyes as she started begging for her life, that was when she once again herad the monster speak.

“Hyuk, you didn’t need to get all worked up and frightened. I’m the Shinigami Ryuk, and I’m not here to do anything to you”.

It was soon that her mother came calling for her.

\---

** December 5th 2003 **

Sayu was finally home. The monster that was mocking her a few minutes before looming above her.

“You better give me some apples when we come in, this whole therapy thing really drained me”, he said, which annoyed Sayu slightly. She was the one that was drained! Does Ryuk not realize what a thin line she was walking throughout that entire conversation? Needless, to say, she needed to be calm for when she sees her mother, so she put on a smile, as she rang the doorbell. She needed to get out of this whole therapy thing, and she has a plan.

“Sayu”, her mother warmly greeted her. The woman looked slightly surprised at Sayu’s happy expression, which even looked slightly genuine this time. “How did it go?” she asked hopefully.

“It was good, the therapist was very nice and respectful and made me see some things clearer”, she said. Sachiko let out a relived sigh.

“Still mom, I don’t think therapy is really necessary for me, like I said, I didn’t plan on actually doing anything, I was just in an emotional state and I wanted to clear some things out in my mind”, she told her mother, who didn’t seem all that convinced, and so the girl continued, trying her best to get this whole thing out of her mother’s head. “It was a rash decision, but mom believe me I was never suicidal, I was just felt like I needed to get away from everything for a few minutes”.

“Dear, I know you may think that everything’s fine, but when you’re dealing with something this big, you got to take action-“ before Sachiko could finish Sayu cut her off.

“Then you and dad should stop putting so much pressure on me!” the girl said, immediately biting her lip. Quickly looking down, she ran passed her mother and want upstairs to her room.

“Sayu!” the older woman called out for her.

Once Sayu was in her room, she let out a huge sigh of relief.

“That was some convincing acting, you’re getting better at this”, Ryuk said while looking around the room, quickly adding, “I still want my apples”.

“You will get some later don’t worry, but right now I just want to relax”, she said as she fell on her bed.  
“Gosh that was stressful, I hope she bought the whole thing”, the young girl said quietly while lost in thought. Ever since the conversation they had a two days ago, her mother wouldn’t get off her back, and Sayu barely had any time for herself. Not only that, but the whole thing was stressing the teenager out, after all she had a big secret to hide. “I mean I did tell her half of the truth, she and dad do put pressure on me”. After that Sayu closed her eyes, trying to fall asleep, tired after the whole day. Unfortunately, Ryuk still wanted his apples, and so after about an hour, she realized he simply wasn’t going to leave her be, and so she got up.

As she went into the kitchen to get some apples, she was met with a surprise. Her father had come home, which was rare seeing these days.

“Sayu? Could you give us a moment?” her mother first spoke, with a guilty look on her face. She and her father, were holding hands. It was then that they exchanged a glance. Soichiro began:

“We’re sorry Sayu, we… we didn’t realize how much pressure we were putting on you”, he looked ashamed. So did her mother in fact, she was even looking down, not meeting her eyes.

“We should have known that… with our family’s reputation and especially with the standard you’re brother has set for you, you would have been stressing yourself out over your studies either way. We should have known better then add to that stress and cause you so much unhappiness”, her father finally finished, and then the man also looked down.

“And sweetie, it was so horrible of me to immediately send you to a therapist instead of just trying to help you myself. Yes therapy is good, but what kind of a mother am I if I can’t even attempt to deal with this situation on my own”, her voice cracked at the last part. The woman was once again close to tears.

Soichiro put a hand of his wife’s shoulder, giving her a comforting look.

“What we’re getting at is, if you have a problem with how we treat you, tell us from now on, ok? We are always here to talk. We won’t force you to go to therapy, just please from now on be honest with us”.

It would be an understatement to say Sayu was taken aback. Ryuk was quietly chuckling in the background,

“T-thank you mom and dad”, she was genuinely surprised by the way all of these events unfolded. And she once again felt conflicted. She wanted to be honest with her parents, but all that would do would eventually lead her into a death trap. Short on words, she simply added:

“I will”.

\---

That was a lie. Ryuk was still chuckling at this point, and adding his own commentary:

“Looks like you’ve killed two bird with one stone”.

“Please, I gave you your apple, now leave me be”, she said with an annoyed tone.

“Hey, don’t ruin my fun”, Ryuk said munching on his apple.

“Well, you’re mean sometimes! I don’t feel good at the moment, and you’re just commentating like this is all just one big show to you! My life isn’t a theater performance!” she spoke back. It wasn’t as if she didn’t like Ryuk. To be honest, he seemed very easy to talk to and he was very easily interested in whatever she spoke about, which was a very good feeling. Still, he could be annoying sometimes. He treated everything as one big game, and to him, it very much could be simply a game, but to her it wasn’t! This was her life, and he should learn to respect her feelings.

“Please could you be a little more considerate?” she asked, not really noticing how ridiculous it was that this small girl was giving this huge monster orders to be nice.

That was when both of them heard a ring at the door.

“Oh! Light’s home”, Sayu’s mood was immediately changed. As she rushed out of her room to see her brother.

“Welcome home!” she greeted him.

“Hi Sayu”, he said as he gave a small polite smile. The smile quickly fading as he was also concerned about his younger sister.

“Are you feeling better, mom told me everything this morning”, he said with a worried expression, which was somehow slightly hard to read.

Her brother was like that, Sayu always found him hard to analyze, his emotions at least. He never let anyone see what he was feeling outside of his polite and welcoming presentation. But this time, instead of just showing slight worry, Sayu also noticed something else in the way he was looking at her. Understanding perhaps? She wasn’t sure.

“Everything is fine, you know mom, she tends to blow things out of proportion”, she gave a small snarky laugh. But Light wasn’t laughing.

“Sayu, can you please not tell this to anyone?” he asked politely, as he crouched to meet her eyes. “I sometimes feel a similar way. Not the same, but I know what you’re going through. If you ever need to talk, I’m here”.

Life just couldn’t give Sayu a break today it seemed. Light was actually opening up to her? Even if it was barely noticeable, it was still a shock.

“Thank you Light”, she smiled at him.  
For a moment, Light had an unreadable expression on his face, before it quickly changed, as he returned a smile.

Sayu was now resting a little as she was watching television. Her mother was out buying groceries, and her father was still at his job. Light on the other hand was in his room, and from the sound upstairs it seemed like he was also busy watching TV.

The youngest member of the family was in the living room though, relaxing on the couch while watching the latest soap opera. At first she wanted to watch some news, to be up to date with all the latest criminals to judge, she even had a few pages of death note paper in her pocket just in preparation. Still, she needed a little rest after the whole day. It has been one hell of a ride so to say. But then, Sayu’s peace was ruined as the program was then suddenly cut off.

For a split second there was as screen showing some text, but as quickly as it came, it went away to live broadcast from a TV announcer:

“We'd like to apologize for the interruption. As of now we're bringing you a live world-wide broadcast from Interpol, ICPO”.

Ryuk who was this whole time, still stuffing himself with apples and actually enjoying soap operas with the young girl, was intrigued:

“Hm? What’s this?”

“Interpol?” is all Sayu could muster.

The TV announcer finally added: “We now take you live to the ICPO”.

It was then that the screen changed to a man with a black mullet, in a professional attire. Calmly, he presented himself:

“I head up an International Police Task Force which includes all member nations. I am Lind L. Tailor, otherwise known as L.”

His gaze was cold, Sayu felt a twinge of fear.

“Who is that?” those three confused words was all she could say.

“Criminals around the world are being murdered by a serial killer. I consider this crime to be the most atrocious act of murder in history. I will not rest until the person or persons responsible are brought to justice. Kira, I will hunt you down. I will find you.”

“He seems certain he'll catch you”, Ryuk chuckled.

Sayu let out a nervous laugh: “There’s no way he’ll catch me. Because without the Death Note he has no evidence! I will just have to be careful with it, that’s all”, she reassured herself.

She of course thought of the possibility of the police getting involved, but she would have never imagined it’d happen so soon. Needless to say, she was slightly frightened by what she was witnessing.

But as the man continued talking, Sayu’s fear grew and grew. This man was not just anyone, he was the head of all the police, and Sayu even recalls hearing the name L a few times, probably from her father. Sayu started to panic, thinking about the whole situation.

This man was going to catch her, it had to be the case. If he was in charge of a world-wide police investigation agency, and surely he got to that position with a reason. Nervously in a frightened state, she pulled out the notebook pages she had in her pocket.

“Kira, I've got a pretty good idea what your motivation might be, and I can guess what you hope to achieve. However, what you're doing right now is evil”.

Those words made the blood in Sayu’s veins freeze. What she was doing was for the good of humanity. She was making a sacrifice to create a happier. Safer world.  
This man, he was a hypocrite! What he did basically amounted to what she was doing! They both execute criminals every day, Sayu just has a more efficient way of doing it.

She was not evil. She was good. If she were to die or be imprisoned, all she managed to change in the world would just revert back to how it was. The crime rates would start rising at an unprecedented rate, people will be terrified to walk alone at night, victims who have been wronged by the justice system would never get their justice.

Stopping this cause she has dedicated herself to, would be a crime in it of itself.

She can’t die.

She doesn’t want to die.

Despite the fact that there was a very low change the police could get to her anyway, the fact that they are investigating the case posed a great threat.

She began to breathe heavily.

No, why was she so frightened all of the sudden? There was no way they’d catch her! Not with the Death Note in her hands.

It was simple, she was going to frighten the police into submission and then all of them would just be too scared to even try to oppose her. Very few people were capable of putting their life on the line for a cause. She was beyond certain they would all quit on the sight if their lead investigator died in front of their eyes.

Carefully opening them up, her hands shaking while holding a pen, she slowly but surely, wrote down the man’s name, letter by letter.

She won’t be caught, there’s just no way.

She wasn’t going to die.

There was just no way.

The following forty seconds were the longest in Sayu’s life. Sweat was dripping down her face, and her breath was heavy.

It was then that Lind L. Tailor collapsed.

A feeling of relief came over the girl. She was going to be fine. The world was going to be fine. She let out a long sigh.

But then, the broadcast was suddenly cut, as it switched to a screen with nothing but a black gothic letter L on it. It seemed like Sayu’s relief was short lived. A distorted voice started to speak:

“Ah. I had to test this, just in case, but I-I never thought it would actually happen. Kira…it seems you can kill people without having to be there in person. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't just witnessed it. Listen to me, Kira. If you did, indeed, kill Lind L. Tailor, the man who you just saw die on television, I should tell you that he was an inmate whose execution was scheduled for today. That was not me”

The girl’s eyes were staring wide at the television at this point.

“No”, fright was beginning to culminate inside her. _It was a stunt?_

“The police arrested him in absolute secrecy, so you wouldn't have heard of him on TV or through the internet. It appears not even you have access to information about these types of criminals”, the voice continued.

Ryuk by this point stopped gauging himself on apples, and was chuckling quietly behind Sayu.  
“He got you there”, the Shinigami said.

“But I assure you, L is real. I do exist. Now…try to kill me!”

The man from the other side of the screen started taunting her. She could feel the smugness in his voice. He was certain that he wasn’t going to die.

And he was right.

“What's wrong? Go ahead! Come on, right now! Kill me! What's the matter? Can't you do it?” he continued to taunt.

“Ryuk”, Sayu turned her head towards her monstrous roommate. “Ryuk, you have to- you have to kill him!” It was an irrational thing for her to request, but still she couldn’t help it, she was terrified. But all the monster did was laugh at her face, mocking her request.

“I’m a neutral player, I’m not going to do anything”, he continued to chuckle. _Oh this is so interesting.  
_The monster thought.

“Well Kira, it seems you can't kill me after all”, L finally concluded. “So there are some people you can't kill. You've given me a useful hint”.

“A dealer to a saver. I'll tell you something that I think you'll find interesting. Although this was announced as a worldwide broadcast, the truth is, we are only broadcasting in the Kanto region of Japan. I had planned to broadcast this message around the world until we found you, but it looks like that won't be necessary. I know now where you are”, the girl was shocked to her core, but couldn’t help but be amazed.

“This L guy is pretty good” Ryuk concluded.

“The police treated your first killing as an unrelated incident, but in actuality, the first of your victims was a suspect in Sinjuku. Of all the criminals that recently died of heart attacks, this one's crime was, by far, the least serious. Furthermore, his crime was only ever reported inside Japan. I used that information to deduce this much. You are in Japan and your first victim was little more than an experiment, which means you haven't been killing for very long. We decided to broadcast in Kanto first because of its large population, and, luckily, we found you”.

Sayu was out of breath. This was unreal. How did this man… how was he this good? He figured everything out.

“To be completely honest with you, I never expected it would go this well…but it won't be too long now before I'll be able to sentence you to death”, those were the words the teenager didn’t want to hear. She knew from the start of the broadcast that her life was in danger, but hearing it out-loud… She couldn’t help it anymore, her lips were trembling, almost if she was about to cry.  
There was no way, there was no way she was going to win this! Her intellect was miles away from matching this man’s, she doubted even someone like her brother could best him.

“Naturally, I am very interested to know how you're able to commit these murders without being present…but I don't mind waiting a little bit longer. You can answer all of my questions when I catch you… Let's meet again soon, Kira”, and with that the broadcast finally ended.

And so, Sayu and Ryuk sat in silence for a little while. A few minutes in, Ryuk broke the awkward atmosphere:

“So, what do you plan?” he asked curiously. He didn’t expect much of an answer to be quite frank. It was clear as day that a teenage girl of slightly above average intelligence couldn’t compete with the utter supercomputer that was this L. But still, that’s what the made the situation interesting. Would Sayu give up the notebook? Or will she continue her cause, knowing that it would ultimately lead to her demise?

And Sayu was pondering about this too. Was it all worth it? Sacrificing everything for the good of humanity. She was going to be caught, that was just a fact. But still, there was a chance, a possibility that she was going to make it out alive.

She was doomed from the very first name she wrote down. She knew she wouldn’t be able to go to heaven or hell. She knew that she was responsible for the hundreds of deaths.  
She wasn’t going to allow herself to walk away from this just like that. Ryuk told her that if she gave up the Death Note her memories would be erased. And she didn’t want that.

She was a hero. She wasn’t the villain.  
How many people were willing to sacrifice their lives, their mind and their soul to change the world? Sayu bet not many.

Giving up would mean everything she did, everyone she killed, that it was all for nothing. And that would be a far greater crime then what she was doing now.

Still she was conflicted. And she was scared.

What choice was she going to make?

At that moment she felt like a dead girl walking.


End file.
